I thought water-boarding was bad; wait til you try air torture. Yes, it is the sleep study for sleep apnea. Let me digress...
People all tell me it is because I am fat or smoke or drink alcohol before bed. I may be guilty of one of those sins, but not even two.
Back to the sleep study, about which the attendant and I had very different expectations. I thought I was going to sleep very well. To the attendant, I was there to satisfy his boss's sleep study. He kept coming in to tighten the mask and the torture. I just wanted to sleep.
Then I find out the guy does not even have a degree and sleeps English but not grammatical English--which was better than the other guy on hall duty, a Viet who was totally unintelligible even to me a person of languages.
The first attendant tried the trick of letting me sleep and then turning up the air full blast. It was horrible. My blood pressure went up since I had to follow the air flow and not my own breathing.
So when I nixed that, attendant went to plan B, the nose only mask. He tried the same trick; it worked for a while. After a while with the mask, the most horrid smell comes through, the smell of breathing the same rotten air of several hours, probably from my insides, which may be rotten now.
Then the attendant would call me on the intercom, "It's six am Mr. Murphy time to get up," in all running together English. I was not rested.
Then he brings in a tiny cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin with two tons of sugar on it.
"Your study shows you have other sleep issues, you will need to come back." All this from an attendant who holds no degree; the only qual is that he stays up all night and talks fluent nonsense.
"The mouthpiece will not work for you; you need the full CPAP."
I guess we don't need doctors to lie and torture us; we have sleep studies and very able assistants.
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